new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
