Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
