I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
