I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
