My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
