Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
