I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
