I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
