I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
