If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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