he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
