i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
