Do you still have your period?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
