dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize