I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
