She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
