Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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