This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
