I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
