Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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