some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
