im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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