You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
