hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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