My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We had sex on a dog bed..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
