Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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