Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
