found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
