I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
