I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
