yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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