Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
