i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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