dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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