Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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