so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
