First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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