I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
did i walk over a car last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
