I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
