i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my vag is so smooth its legendary
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
