I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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