we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
