dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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