when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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