Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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