the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
