used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
