Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
