he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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