so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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