Someone shit on the floor
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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