you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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