I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
