I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize