She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
