i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
